Eleven very short stories about SXSW

[These are great]

Police in Scranton say they found over 50 bags of heroin, cash and loose change in a woman’s vagina during a cavity search.

—It’s the “loose change” that really did it for me. Like she was just curious to see what else she could fit in there.

In a perfect world, a few things would happen this weekend:

After partying, partying, partying on Friday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday and Sunday, Sunday, Rebecca Black and all of her friends get to class Monday and realize they should have spent a little time studying, studying, studying (yeah!) and all fail their biology exam. That one kid’s dad takes his convertible Mercedes away from him for, like, a whole week.

After quitting UCLA over her racist YouTube rant, Alexandra Wallace realizes the reason she’s been tired so much is because she has mono. After several months of recovery, she enrolls in a local community college, eventually graduating with an associate certificate in elderly care. Her first job is emptying bed pans at a nursing home for Chinese-Americans.

Jimmy Wong gets laid. A lot.

The NY Times announces their digital subscription plan

They’re going to offer limited access for free, if you want full access to the Times on your phone or tablet, it will cost between $15 and $35 a month. Links from Google, Facebook and Twitter will route around the paywall.

Never forget

The National - Music - More Music Videos

jamesurbaniak:

I’m in the new music video for The National with those lightweights Kristen Schaal and John Slattery. Directed by a one Mr. Scott Jacobson meow.

Now that is a lovely spooney melody.

It’s now possible to change EC2 instance types

This is fantastic. The way it used to work, you’d create an EC2 slice that was a bundle of emulated hardware – dedicated RAM, processor, etc – and if you needed more, you had to physically move everything over to a new instance. Easy enough, and scriptable, but still kind of a pain, especially in high traffic scenario. It also created some confusion, in that scaling your system meant you could add new slices but not change the slices themselves.

Now, you can stop an instance, click a dropdown and choose a new instance type, allowing you to “scale” almost instantly.

• Five popular remodeling projects in Northern California
• shaving porch
• koi barn
• crying trellis
• grudging fellatio pantry
• remodeling room

—

YES

5ives is back and suddenly “grudging fellatio pantry” is one of my new favorite combinations of words.

Quaxelrod - the official @MayorEmanuel archive (with replies!)

I would pay $100 for a typeset and bound version of this

Objection Salad for food and cooking from the other side of the pond

I don’t follow a lot of food tumblrs, as most of them tend towards lots of pretty pictures, but this one is all about technique and a being better home cook. Rich, one of the site’s co-writers, is a pal from Twitter, you may know him from TUAW, he’s a great writer and cook, to boot. Can’t wait for more!